Woman’s account of ‘divorce fund’ opens complicated debate

Brittany Baxter

Financial independence is a fundamental aspect of women’s security. Whether it’s the ability to support oneself financially, to have access to money anytime and anywhere, or to have cash in case of emergency, a woman’s financial situation is paramount. ‌Nevertheless, the question of how a woman should cast her financial safety net remains controversial for some.

After Her Marriage Started Showing Red Flags, One Woman’s Worry Caused Her To start planning a divorce fund for the rainy days. ‌While some found his “exit fund” problematic, others saw it as a necessary precaution.

Divorce funds are a thing

A woman, whom we will call Amy, has been married to her husband, whom we will call Kurt, for eight years. ‌She‌ ‌explains‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ they‌ ‌ maintain fair but separate finances, with both‌ ‌contributing‌ ‌also‌ ‌to‌ ‌bills‌ ‌and‌‌a‌joint‌savings‌account‌. The couple, however, ‌maintain ‌separate‌ ‌checking‌ accounts. ‌According to Amy, after spending, it’s up to them how they choose to spend their remaining funds.

Amy explains that she and Kurt make roughly the same amount of money. “Despite this, Kurt is more inclined to spend his money” on “expensive” hobbies. Amy created a separate personal savings account with her excess funds to serve as a “divorce fund” in the event of separation.

According to Amy, she opened the‌ ‌account‌ ‌because‌ ‌of‌ ‌certain‌ ‌red‌ ‌flags. “I’m just not sure about my marriage and I feel safer having the option to leave if things get worse,” she says. “My mother had two abusive relationships while I was growing up and I never want to be in a situation where I feel trapped,” she adds, indicating that such a fund could offer protection.

Despite Kurt’s non-abusive behavior towards Amy, she mentions that they haven’t had sex with each other in five years. ‌Although she mentions that they are in therapy, the lack of intimacy has caused ‌tension.

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“I don’t feel like I’m in a relationship anymore and I don’t know how to deal with it when he refuses to open up to me,” she shares. ‌Amy‌ ‌says‌ ‌she’s giving the situation time but feels better to have a plan in place if things get worse.

His desire to define an exit strategy did not go down well with his best friend. Following her confession, they said she was ‌‌ ‌‌disloyal‌‌ ‌‌to‌‌ ‌‌her‌‌ ‌‌marriage.

In their opinion, by having a secret divorce fund, Amy has “one foot out there.” Rather than wait, they suggested that he leave now because that would be the best thing to do.

Does Money Really Matter?

Marital success is not‌ ‌automatic. ‌Taking‌ ‌your‌ ‌situation‌ ‌for granted‌ ‌can‌ ‌have‌ ‌serious consequences. ‌As‌ ‌Amy‌ ‌mentioned, she didn’t want to be trapped like her mother once was, a situation that many women face when they become financially dependent on their ‌spouse.

Is having a divorce fund equal to having a foot out the door? While some may think so, others consider it no more complicated than a standard insurance policy. ‌It’s never a bad idea to take responsibility for‌ ‌your‌ ‌financial‌ ‌security. Where is it?

Finances in relationships are always a touchy subject, and oftentimes, it’s not evenly split between the two. If one partner contributes more to bills or a joint savings account while the other sets aside extra money for a divorce fund, this could be seen as misleading on many levels.

It is inevitable that even if one is an expert at keeping secrets, the fund would eventually come to light if ‌divorce proceedings‌‌ were to begin. ‌In a divorce, all property acquired during the marriage is shared. ‌This begs‌ ‌the‌ ‌question,‌ ‌the‌ ‌the‌ ‌divorce fund‌ ‌money‌ ‌really‌ ‌important?

What happens to this fund if you eventually divorce?

Ultimately, only you can decide if opening a divorce fund is worth it. ‌Despite its ability to provide financial security and self-reliance, it is not without drawbacks. Money is usually divided into marital assets unless it can be proven to be a separate asset, such as a ‌gift.

In Amy’s case, most commentators agreed that she had the right to set aside the funds as it was primarily hers and they had agreed to maintain separate accounts. They informed her of the fate of her rainy day funds. “In the event of a divorce, I highly doubt he won’t get half of it anyway,” one commenter said.

If‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ decide‌ ‌ that a ‌secret‌ ‌divorce‌ ‌fund‌ ‌will help you sleep at night, you might want to follow some of the ‌tips‌ ‌above. ‌Be sure to know the specific laws in your state regarding your spouse’s rights to the fund. ‌Take into account the amount that is not there when you need it and save even more‌ ‌more. ‌

Additionally, it may help to think about why you need the fund in the first place. And, ‌if your relationship with your spouse needs more attention.

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